Skip to content

Posts tagged ‘life coach’

Sep 29

6 Ways To Deal With A Narcissist Leader

There seems to be at least one narcissist leader in every leadership group. In short, a narcissist leader is a person with an unrealistic or inflated sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, unable to see others’ perspectives, and is hypersensitive to what they perceive as criticism. For the official American Psychological Association definition, click here.

When the narcissist is the CEO or they are peppered through the ranks of leaders the culture is going to be much harder to manage. If that describes your workplace, you are excused from reading the rest of this column, because you need to quit as soon as you possibly can.

From Tolerable to Toxic59ee4e7eba7ca4a9c4eb3eb8938b2066

Narcissists often make very good leaders – for a while. When the good times are rolling, they can be easy going and charming. However, when the accolades dry up, they begin to feel challenged or threatened.

I once worked for a senior leader who pitched a screaming fit about twice a year when she wasn’t getting her way with a peer or team member. We never knew when it was coming, but the message was always a variation of “it’s your fault I am not reaching my goals.”

At this point a leader is toxic. Instead of accepting responsibility when a project fails to perform as anticipated, he will blame and then sacrifice followers as necessary to protect his self-image and position in the company. Trust among team members in the leader then evaporates and people become very task oriented in an effort to keep their heads down and not be noticed.

The Need for Loyalty

Many narcissist leaders are more concerned with how they present themselves than their actual effectiveness. When they feel others are turning on them (by “making them look bad”), they begin to demand loyalty. If someone has to ask or demand loyalty, they don’t deserve it.

I worked for a senior executive who pulled his direct reports into his office on a regular basis and asked us to help him “get the goods” on the current target of his ire. If you didn’t appear to be interested in helping him gain revenge by ruining someone else’s career, he took it as a sign you were not loyal. Needless to say, many “non-loyal” people simply “disappeared” from work.

What To Do

This list will help you, for a time, make peace with a narcissist leader.

  • Set your expectations low
  • Make them look good
  • Don’t demand or expect credit
  • Whatever hurtful thing is done or said, remember that it is not about you
  • Don’t give negative feedback – even (and especially) when asked
  • Line up a new position

If you need help managing a narcissist leader, please reach out to me via my website to schedule a free, no obligation one-hour Power Session.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting LLC, and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching and Marcom consulting. Learn more at http://acceleratedcoachingandconsulting.com

Sep 16

Yoda – Leadership Guru

Yoda’s advice for wannabe Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker was, “Do or do not. There is no try.” This advice also holds true for mere mortals.

What Yoda shared with Luke is the need for commitment. An excellent definition comes from MacMillan, which states: enthusiasm for something and a determination to work hard at it.

-Do or do not. There is no try.-The key words are enthusiasm and determination. Too often we say we are committed to a goal, relationship or activity when we lack one or both of those ingredients. Without them we are simply trying to reach a goal, make a relationship work or complete an activity.

As Yoda says, “there is no try,” because without commitment success eludes us.

Try is a word that has failure baked into it. “Well, I tried,” is what we tell ourselves and others when we give up on a goal. When we try, it is easy to become distracted, unfocused and procrastinate. Self-doubt creeps in and begins to drain our confidence, energy and willingness to push through roadblocks. And we may start to look for scapegoats rather than push ourselves.

Fear Factor

One reason we end up trying instead of committing is fear. Fear of failure, fear of ridicule or fear that you will prove the doubters right.

When I work with leaders who are trying instead of committing is explore what is holding them back. Many times, it is a hidden inner belief they are not skilled enough, smart enough or deserving enough to achieve what they desire.

If that is the case, I ask clients to share some success stories, and how they felt after reaching a particularly difficult goal. This helps shift the focus to positive outcomes and emotions. Then, the conversation moves to what action steps they took and whether those steps be replicated in the current situation.

Ready, Set, Go!

Regardless of the reasons people get stuck in a trying mindset, there is only one solution, as Yoda says, “do or not do.” Once there is a commitment or re-commitment (Yoda’s “do”) to a goal, a plan of action needs to be created and then carried out. It can be uncomfortable, difficult and nerve wracking, but once we move into a state of action, doubts begin to fade. With each successful action step, we move  a little closer to the final goal. Confidence returns and enthusiasm builds as obstacles are overcome. When the goal is reached, make sure to take time out to celebrate.

If you need help moving from trying to committing, please reach out to me to schedule a free, no obligation one-hour Power Session.

Sep 12

Are You Stuck?

Many people seek a coach when they feel stuck in a job, a specific work role, or a relationship. The first step in the coaching process is to help people clarify their goals. But fear, doubt and other negative emotions can block people from taking action to reach those goals.

Striving for something better is scary because the status quo is known and provides some level of emotional comfort and security. However, almost nothing good in life happens until we take action. You have to apply for a job before you can hope to be hired. When you want a promotion, you have to step up and ask for or accept new responsibilities. When you want to go on a date with someone, you have to either make or accept an invitation.

-There is no happiness without action.- (1)Action can be scary. In my early 20s, I wanted a better career and knew a college degree would make it happen. I was a poor student in high school, and didn’t know if I could handle college coursework. But, I swallowed hard and enrolled.

Sitting in my first class (Journalism 101), my stomach churned, knees knocked and heart pounded so hard I could barely hear the instructor. But, I lived to tell the tale, and eventually earned a Master of Science degree in Psychology. My education opened doors I never would have known existed  — if I had given into my fear and not taken action.

Take a look around your workplace and notice those people who are unhappy with their career. They are easy to find, just try to ignore someone who expresses their unhappiness every day. These co-workers exert more energy complaining about being stuck than it takes to make positive change. Still, they make a choice each day to remain in a state of inaction.

As a coach, I help people create a plan, break it into small manageable pieces, and build supportive structures. The first action is usually the most difficult. Experience has taught me that when people take the first step toward their goal, the next steps are a little easier. With each step forward, confidence grows as action becomes the new norm and people begin to feel “unstuck.”

It is a privilege to follow the progress of my clients as they take action and rebalance their lives, build stronger relationships, grab that promotion or find a better job. In each case, success was the result of their willingness to take the action necessary to reach their goals and dreams.

If you are feeling stuck, please reach out to me via LinkedIn or my website for a free Power Session.

Sep 2

Leadership Lessons From The Dog Whisperer

About 10 years ago I started watching Cesar Millan’s first television show, The Dog Whisperer, and was  amazed by the similarities between “pack leader” and human leadership behaviors.

Please note that I am not suggesting that followers are puppies who need to be led. Instead, what I started to realize is leadership behaviors can cut across different species. For example, dogs are pack animals, and humans often work in teams. And for both, there are many more followers than leaders.

Dog2

Personal disclosure: I am the aspiring pack leader of my newly adopted 2-year-old pit bull Haley.

Calm, Assertive Energy

Millan believes the type and quality of energy we project is key to leadership. “To establish yourself as the pack leader, you must always project a calm, assertive energy. This natural balance (calm, assertive leadership…) nurtures stability and creates a balanced, centered, and happy dog (or human team – my words),” he writes on his website.

Empirical research of the human variety supports the idea that Millan’s concept applies to humans, too. More than 1 million people took part in study conducted by TalentSmart, which finds “90 percent of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.”

Sounds like calm, assertive energy to me.

Millan advises that posture, eye contact (assertive, not aggressive) and projecting confidence tells your dogs that you are in charge. I can’t count the number of articles and books that have the same or similar advice for human leaders.

On the flip side, Millan finds that insecure, anxious dogs pick up that energy from their human, which leads to behavioral issues that leads to many of his televised interventions.

Exercise (performance), discipline (guidance), and affection (acknowledgement)

In addition, three major behavioral components that create a happy dog or dog pack are exercise, discipline and affection, in that order, says Millan. In many Dog Whisperer episodes he refers to the walk as the time of day you are giving your dog a job to do, which is why I equate exercise to human work performance.

A work example of this principle is when your direct report completes a significant work project. If the performance is great, go ahead and acknowledge the excellent work. (Read my recent blog on acknowledgement to better understand how important this is for your team – and yourself.) If the project is not ready for primetime, provide guidance (“rules, boundaries, and limitations,” according to Millan), and close your discussion by acknowledging progress.

When we focus too much on one of the three elements, such as performance (outcome), we are not providing enough guidance or support that leads to high quality work performance. In addition, you may be starving your workers of the praise they need to feel good about their work, which results in an unhappy and underperforming team.

If you want to work on improving any of your leadership skills, please reach out to me via my website for a free Power Session.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting LLC, and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching and marcom consulting

Aug 7

Why You Need A Coach On Your Career Team

First, the good news. It is now commonplace for C-Suite residents to be provided an executive coach to help them navigate the high altitude world they inhabit.

Now, the not-so-good news. If you do not have a ‘C’ in front of your title, you are probably on your own when it comes to career development. This is not good business, but it is reality for most mid- to upper-level managers.

Finally, the best news. You can make a modest investment and rediscover your strengths, passions, areas of opportunity, and action plans to develop new skills that can give your career the boost it needs.

What Is Coaching?

Leadership and other coaches combine many of the best concepts from management theory, psychology, philosophy, sports and spirituality to facilitate positive life changes. Although there is some similarity, coaching is not therapy, mentoring or consulting. It is a strengths-based approach that empowers you to use your energy and insights to propel your life to new heights.

What A Coach Can Help You With

Leadership, career transition and life coaching are three popular types of coaching, although there are many others. Many people come into leadership coaching to address issues such as how to:

Becoming a leader is synonymous with

  • Clarify your career goals
  • Manage difficult relationships
  • Manage conflict
  • Become a better leader
  • Enhance work/life balance
  • Decide whether to change careers

What to Expect

Coaching sessions are values-based, goal-oriented, and focus on today and the future. Coaches realize that everyone has the ability to increase professional effectiveness and personal happiness. To find the right path for your success, a good coach:

  • Listens without judgment
  • Asks powerful questions
  • Investigates your underlying beliefs
  • Helps you clarify your values
  • Partners to help you develop action plans
  • Provides support and encouragement

It’s your career. Adding a coach to your career team can help you discover what is holding you back and how to move forward. You can gain insight into how others see you, how you see yourself and discover how to unlock your unique strengths to become a better leader.

If you would like to schedule a free 50-minute one-to-one phone call to discuss whether you would benefit from having a coach on your career development team, please call me at 815.985.4229 or fill out the contact for below.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC, and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching and consulting.

 

Aug 4

1 Comment

5 Ways To Stay Sane in A Crazy Company

It is an incredible fail that only one-third of us are engaged in our work.

The cost of lost productivity, performance and innovation due to disengagement, detachment and distrust is staggering. Disengaged workers cost their organizations $3,400 a year for every $10,000 in annual salary. As a result, American businesses squander almost $400 billion of productivity every year.

An engaged workforce literally pays dividends. Studies find productivity is 15 to 20 percent higher than rival organizations (think Costco vs. Wal-Mart), profits are at least 10 percent greater, and these companies return 22 percent more to shareholders (a great data set is available here).

Why ‘Sustainable Engagement’ Is So Rare

 

So much of what we call management

A 2012 Towers Watson survey and report refers to “sustainable engagement,” which it breaks into three stages: engagement, enablement, and energy. The report defines engagement as belief in the company mission, an emotional connection to work roles, and a desire to take on discretionary tasks. Enablement occurs when leaders eliminate barriers and provide the resources their employees need to be successful. Workers surveyed defined good energy as “a workplace that promotes well-being,” which is a nice way to say “treat me with respect instead of an expense.”

None of this information is new or earthshaking. So, why do most organizations fail to create sustainable engagement at the macro level? Based on decades of work experience, and coaching leaders stuck in low performing companies, several patterns emerge:

  • Lack of awareness (or measurement) of employee sentiment in the C-suite
  • Denial and blame shifting (often directed downward at mid-level managers) after employees are surveyed
  • The executive leadership team does not trust employees (paternalism)
  • Leaders’ behavior reflects poorly on the organization’s mission (walking the talk)
  • Lack of transparency regarding how and why decisions are made

How To Protect Your Sanity

When you feel trapped in a demotivating work environment, do not sink into the mire with your co-workers. This never results in a better work environment. What it causes is stress, frustration, and additional disengagement. Instead of losing sleep, gaining weight and boring your friends and loved ones with tales of woe about the office, take positive action to reduce stress and stay productive.

  • Remember this is not about you, it is about company culture, do not take dysfunction personally
  • Spend as little time as possible with negative people (especially at work)
  • Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat well, meditate, have family time or whatever brings you happiness
  • When you leave work – take your brain with you. Ruminating on your dysfunctional workplace at home will only make you feel worse
  • Vote with your feet. Make plans to leave and follow through when the time is right

Jul 27

Debbie Downer: Career Killer?

Debbie Downer was an SNL character and shining example of people who bleed the life out of a break room, cubicle farm, meeting, and even Walt Disney World (click here to set the SNL skit).

Unfortunately, it takes only one Downer to ruin the culture of a work group.  Downers are not just cynical, they seem to take satisfaction in spreading their unhappiness. However, they are a great example of what coaches call “structure.”

Structures are people and things that help or hinder our ability to reach our goals. Structures can be physical, such as an uncluttered office, a short or long commute, organizational structure, or adequate sleep. Our thoughts and beliefs form mental structures that shape our attitude, self-perception, responses to others, self-confidence, and more.

Other examples of structures include:debbie-downer

  • A morning routine prior to work
  • Family and friends
  • To-do lists
  • An annual performance review
  • The belief you are a strong leader
  • An exercise class

Getting back to Ms. Downer for a moment. A bad (or good) attitude is highly contagious so avoid the Downers as much as possible to avoid contamination. If you can’t stay away, either do your best to ignore their negativity, or challenge their viewpoint.

In the coaching process, clients might be asked to write a list of the structures that impact their work and life objectives. When appropriate, we may start with questions such as:

  • Which structures in my life are helpful?
  • What new structures can I put into place to be more productive?
  • Which structures are obstacles to success?
  • What obstacles have I created for myself?
  • How can I remove or reduce unproductive or counterproductive structures?

This exercise shines a light on what works for, and against your success. The most powerful answers to these questions require the ability to set aside rationalizations, truly understand your goals, and what is most important to you.

Once a list is completed, the next steps are to create a specific action plan to maximize supportive structures, weed out unhelpful structures, such as Debbie Downer, and hold yourself accountable to a timeline to make changes.

By taking positive actions that add good structures to your life, you move yourself further up the path toward career and life success.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC, and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching and consulting.

Jul 23

The Introvert’s Workplace Superpower

The difference between hearing and listening is profound. Several comments from readers about Monday’s blog, “Introverts And The Corner Office,” support the results of research into key differences in how introverts and extroverts listen and participate in workplace discussions.

Reacting Is Not Listening

When extroverts hear others talk or present in a business meeting, their brains are more likely to ramp up and make assumptions, quickly form opinions or questions, and pontificate before they pause to listen and observe participants’ vocal tone and body language. In addition, they may be unaware of the larger context of the discussion or the power dynamics in play.

One of the most sincere forms of respectThis is not listening – it is reacting.

In workplace meetings when political, personal or business stakes are high, this reveals itself when people talk over each other, carry on private conversations, or repeatedly interrupt others. Worse, situations can escalate into snide passive aggressive comments (or its companion behavior, disengaging with smart phone, tablet or laptop use), or heated arguments. I have witnessed fallout after these episodes that stalled or even ended careers.

The ability to listen rather than react comes down to impulse control (also called “attention” in psychology literature). Extroverts, such as myself, must take the time and make the effort to train our minds to be quiet to create a state of mind open to new information. It is tough, but worth the rewards.

The Power Of Listening

Introverts are more likely to be powerful listeners. Deep listening means you notice changes in vocal tone, body language and energy, as well as what is not being said. Instead of assumptions, you ask exploratory questions. Instead of comparing your perceptions of the current situation to past experience, you seek clarity with questions such as:

  • “What I hear you saying is…”
  • “Tell me more about…”
  • “What do you think can be done to improve our situation?”

These responses encourage additional exploration of the issues at hand and encourage problem solving rather than appearing to judge, be overly critical or uninformed. These questions allow others to feel heard and understood, which creates trust and builds powerful relationships. It also shows you to be a thoughtful, intelligent person who asks good questions and makes informed decisions.

However, for many introverts, saying anything in a business meeting can be nerve-wracking. My challenge to introverts is to listen, observe and ask at least one question or make one comment in every meeting. This will elevate your profile and build confidence, as well as build a helpful habit for your career.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC., and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching. 

 

Jul 21

Introverts And The Corner Office

It doesn’t seem fair, at least to many introverts, that extroverts enjoy a significant edge when it comes to hiring and promotions.

In my Friday blog, I shared findings from researchers who use the Five Factor Model (FFM, also called The Big 5) to study which dimensions of personality are linked to workplace success. Conscientiousness and extroversion are far and away the two dimensions most correlated to leadership.

The virtues of extroversion have been written about ad nauseam. So I will turn the tables and focus on introversion.

Introverts, Do Not PanicIntroverts are more effective leaders of

First, do not panic or believe you cannot snag a promotion or succeed in a leadership position – you can. Introverts comprise between 30 to 50 percent of the US population. Many are excellent leaders.

Second, extroversion and introversion are personality dimensions measured on a continuum, and most people land near the middle. Almost everyone is a mixture of the two.

Finally, introverts have secret weapons. When others talk, introverts listen (deeply), which often lead to thoughtful observations, and powerful questions. Because introverts are more likely to think before they speak, their feet rarely need to be dislodged from their mouths. These are all great leadership behaviors.

(To take a free Big Five assessment, click here)

Small Steps You Can Take Today

For those, including introverts, who want to boost their visibility at work, the following tips may help you.

  1. Write down, or better yet share with someone, what your short- and long-term goals are related to becoming more visible at work.
  2. Pick a small group of co-workers you do not regularly interact with, and join in a discussion. This can be done at lunchtime in the cafeteria, or by serving on a committee (Yes, I heard your exasperated sigh).
  3. Ask to make a presentation (or co-present) and highlight department project updates or accomplishments.
  4. Focus on those times when you successfully asked for a date, made light conversation with someone you just met, or spoke in public. Bask in the positive feelings (even if it was relief after it was over) of those accomplishments.
  5. Schedule down time after completing an activity that takes you out of your comfort zone, and assess what worked.

As more people get to know who you are, your sphere of influence grows. This will  help put you in the conversation for new roles and responsibilities.

That’s it. Step into some new situations you have some control over. In time you will be prepared to take larger steps, and move your leadership journey forward.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC., and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching. 

Jul 18

Want A Promotion?

For decades psychology and sociology researchers have used the Five Factor Model (FFM, also called The Big 5) to study what dimensions of personality positively correlate with workplace success.

The Big 5 are (you can take a free Big 5 test here):Some people regard discipline as a

  • Openness (or intellect)
  • Conscientiousness
  • Extroversion
  • Agreeableness
  • Neuroticism (or emotional stability)

Why Conscientiousness Often = Success

The two dimensions proven to have the strongest connection to success at work are conscientiousness and extroversion. In Monday’s blog, I will cover extroversion, so the focus for the moment falls squarely on the broad shoulders of conscientiousness.

Conscientiousness is the predisposition to be disciplined, organized, goal directed, thorough, efficient, deliberative, and able to delay gratification. In the office, these are the people who have spotless desks, are reliable, and get desired results. Over time, they gain the trust of both leaders and followers. This allows them to keep stretching the goals of teams or organizations to reach goals that would have initially seemed far fetched.

Conscientious leaders excel at juggling multiple projects and priorities. The best keep team members focused on shared goals. Given the rapid pace of change and high expectations, it makes sense that people who create value and trust through goal attainment are picked for promotions or remain in executive positions.

How To Develop Conscientiousness Behaviors

If your desk is a mess and you struggle at times with projects hitting your inbox in rapid succession, there are behaviors related to conscientiousness that you can adopt to increase your effectiveness.

Find and consistently use a system to stay organized. This can be a white board, checklists, sticky notes, electronic calendar, spreadsheets, color coded filing system, or whatever keeps your mind uncluttered and tracks progress

  1. Understand the goal
  2. Understand why the goal is important to the organization
  3. Explain numbers two and three with everyone who needs to know, repeat often
  4. Communicate expectations and progress regularly

By keeping you and your team in front of projects, you are much less likely to be derailed or run over by new projects or competing priorities.

Caveats

Without emotional intelligence, conscientiousness may not move the needle of personal or organizational performance. And, when work is artistic or social (such as sales), creativity and spontaneity are often called for rather than a by-the-book approach.

Still, for most of us, behaviors associated with conscientiousness will take you a long way toward reaching your goals.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC., and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching.

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »
%d bloggers like this: