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Posts tagged ‘self-confidence’

Sep 16

Yoda – Leadership Guru

Yoda’s advice for wannabe Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker was, “Do or do not. There is no try.” This advice also holds true for mere mortals.

What Yoda shared with Luke is the need for commitment. An excellent definition comes from MacMillan, which states: enthusiasm for something and a determination to work hard at it.

-Do or do not. There is no try.-The key words are enthusiasm and determination. Too often we say we are committed to a goal, relationship or activity when we lack one or both of those ingredients. Without them we are simply trying to reach a goal, make a relationship work or complete an activity.

As Yoda says, “there is no try,” because without commitment success eludes us.

Try is a word that has failure baked into it. “Well, I tried,” is what we tell ourselves and others when we give up on a goal. When we try, it is easy to become distracted, unfocused and procrastinate. Self-doubt creeps in and begins to drain our confidence, energy and willingness to push through roadblocks. And we may start to look for scapegoats rather than push ourselves.

Fear Factor

One reason we end up trying instead of committing is fear. Fear of failure, fear of ridicule or fear that you will prove the doubters right.

When I work with leaders who are trying instead of committing is explore what is holding them back. Many times, it is a hidden inner belief they are not skilled enough, smart enough or deserving enough to achieve what they desire.

If that is the case, I ask clients to share some success stories, and how they felt after reaching a particularly difficult goal. This helps shift the focus to positive outcomes and emotions. Then, the conversation moves to what action steps they took and whether those steps be replicated in the current situation.

Ready, Set, Go!

Regardless of the reasons people get stuck in a trying mindset, there is only one solution, as Yoda says, “do or not do.” Once there is a commitment or re-commitment (Yoda’s “do”) to a goal, a plan of action needs to be created and then carried out. It can be uncomfortable, difficult and nerve wracking, but once we move into a state of action, doubts begin to fade. With each successful action step, we move  a little closer to the final goal. Confidence returns and enthusiasm builds as obstacles are overcome. When the goal is reached, make sure to take time out to celebrate.

If you need help moving from trying to committing, please reach out to me to schedule a free, no obligation one-hour Power Session.

Sep 12

Are You Stuck?

Many people seek a coach when they feel stuck in a job, a specific work role, or a relationship. The first step in the coaching process is to help people clarify their goals. But fear, doubt and other negative emotions can block people from taking action to reach those goals.

Striving for something better is scary because the status quo is known and provides some level of emotional comfort and security. However, almost nothing good in life happens until we take action. You have to apply for a job before you can hope to be hired. When you want a promotion, you have to step up and ask for or accept new responsibilities. When you want to go on a date with someone, you have to either make or accept an invitation.

-There is no happiness without action.- (1)Action can be scary. In my early 20s, I wanted a better career and knew a college degree would make it happen. I was a poor student in high school, and didn’t know if I could handle college coursework. But, I swallowed hard and enrolled.

Sitting in my first class (Journalism 101), my stomach churned, knees knocked and heart pounded so hard I could barely hear the instructor. But, I lived to tell the tale, and eventually earned a Master of Science degree in Psychology. My education opened doors I never would have known existed  — if I had given into my fear and not taken action.

Take a look around your workplace and notice those people who are unhappy with their career. They are easy to find, just try to ignore someone who expresses their unhappiness every day. These co-workers exert more energy complaining about being stuck than it takes to make positive change. Still, they make a choice each day to remain in a state of inaction.

As a coach, I help people create a plan, break it into small manageable pieces, and build supportive structures. The first action is usually the most difficult. Experience has taught me that when people take the first step toward their goal, the next steps are a little easier. With each step forward, confidence grows as action becomes the new norm and people begin to feel “unstuck.”

It is a privilege to follow the progress of my clients as they take action and rebalance their lives, build stronger relationships, grab that promotion or find a better job. In each case, success was the result of their willingness to take the action necessary to reach their goals and dreams.

If you are feeling stuck, please reach out to me via LinkedIn or my website for a free Power Session.

Jul 25

Does Your Job Support Your Values? (It Should)

One of the most powerful questions you can ask is: does my job support my values?

Being tuned into your values and making conscious choices that support your values often goes overlooked and unexamined. We intuitively know our values are within us, but too few of us actually stop and take time to define them.

The list of values seems almost endless (http://bit.ly/1jWmeee), but most of us live our lives according to our top five to eight values.

Find Your Value Gaps   

Being aware of your values provides opportunities build on those strengths to accelerate you leadership skills and reach your personal and professional goals.

Being aware of your values provides opportunities build on those strengths to accelerate you leadership skills and reach your personal and professional goals.

  • Take five minutes to reflect and write down your values. It is okay if it is a long list
  • Notice which values are similar, and pick the one that best represents you
  • Choose your top eight values
  • Ask yourself whether your work, important relationships, and lifestyle are aligned with those eight values

This exercise brings many of my clients into greater self-awareness. Clients often discover many of the problem areas of their life are connected  to what I call a Values Gap. This is a  misalignment between what you experienced day-to-day versus how you want to live your life. The larger the gap (or gaps), the less connected you feel to those parts of your life, and the more discomfort you feel when the gap is exposed.

If your highest value is compassion, and you work for a company that treats its customers or workers poorly, the gap often manifests itself as stress, frustration, disengagement or straight forward disdain for your job or boss.

For example, I served as a mid-level leader in an organization where the boorish (and illegal) behavior of the CEO stood in direct opposition to its internal brand and mission. Instead of addressing poor behaviors and decisions, other members of the senior executive team dedicated significant energy and time doing damage control and workarounds.

Over time, I grew increasingly uncomfortable working for an erratic and unprofessional leader. I voted with my feet and found a new position in an organization with leaders who demonstrated values much closer to my own. In fact, one of the primary reasons I later became a coach was to be true to my values.

Once you know your key values, you can take actions that increase authenticity, physical and emotional well-being, and happiness. Being true to your values is being true to yourself, and is a necessary step on your journey to your personal and professional success.

Jul 14

Grow Your Self-Confidence

Just as there are no born leaders, no one is born born with confidence. It comes with experience and practice. As adults, we experience life events that make us feel confident. Perhaps you helped your child understand a life or school lesson, reached an important work milestone, or completed a DIY project on your home.

40% (1)While none of us feels confident all the time, cultivating confidence and living more confidently can improve our lives in many ways. A confident person feels comfortable within themselves. They live their values and beliefs, make decisions easier, respect others and are grateful.

What Self-Confidence Provides You

  • Openness to new experience
  • Positive energy
  • Calmness
  • Influence
  • Action orientation
  • Future focus

The other side of confidence is doubt. While doubt can be healthy in small doses, too much creates indecision and the loss of self-efficacy. When we remain in an indecisive mindset, our progress falters and our goals slide out of reach.

You can increase your confidence simply by making decisions. Nurturing the habit of decision making builds confidence by moving you from a state of inaction to action. Inaction drains you confidence and sense of empowerment. Action generates progress and feelings of accomplishment. Even if your decision turns out to be incorrect, simply learn from the experience and continue to move forward.

A second habit is to take a few moments each day to visualize past accomplishments that gave you confidence, and re-experience those positive emotions.

Avoid or minimize your exposure to negative people. They drain your energy and have little or nothing to add, other than why you can’t or shouldn’t take action.

Finally, develop self-care habits so you feel your best. This can include exercise, mediation, hobbies, volunteering or spending time with family and friends.

Cultivating these habits will recharge you and give you more energy to live with greater self-confidence.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC., and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching. Learn more at http://acceleratedcoachingandconsulting.com.

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