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Posts from the ‘Coaching Blogs’ Category

Jul 23

The Introvert’s Workplace Superpower

The difference between hearing and listening is profound. Several comments from readers about Monday’s blog, “Introverts And The Corner Office,” support the results of research into key differences in how introverts and extroverts listen and participate in workplace discussions.

Reacting Is Not Listening

When extroverts hear others talk or present in a business meeting, their brains are more likely to ramp up and make assumptions, quickly form opinions or questions, and pontificate before they pause to listen and observe participants’ vocal tone and body language. In addition, they may be unaware of the larger context of the discussion or the power dynamics in play.

One of the most sincere forms of respectThis is not listening – it is reacting.

In workplace meetings when political, personal or business stakes are high, this reveals itself when people talk over each other, carry on private conversations, or repeatedly interrupt others. Worse, situations can escalate into snide passive aggressive comments (or its companion behavior, disengaging with smart phone, tablet or laptop use), or heated arguments. I have witnessed fallout after these episodes that stalled or even ended careers.

The ability to listen rather than react comes down to impulse control (also called “attention” in psychology literature). Extroverts, such as myself, must take the time and make the effort to train our minds to be quiet to create a state of mind open to new information. It is tough, but worth the rewards.

The Power Of Listening

Introverts are more likely to be powerful listeners. Deep listening means you notice changes in vocal tone, body language and energy, as well as what is not being said. Instead of assumptions, you ask exploratory questions. Instead of comparing your perceptions of the current situation to past experience, you seek clarity with questions such as:

  • “What I hear you saying is…”
  • “Tell me more about…”
  • “What do you think can be done to improve our situation?”

These responses encourage additional exploration of the issues at hand and encourage problem solving rather than appearing to judge, be overly critical or uninformed. These questions allow others to feel heard and understood, which creates trust and builds powerful relationships. It also shows you to be a thoughtful, intelligent person who asks good questions and makes informed decisions.

However, for many introverts, saying anything in a business meeting can be nerve-wracking. My challenge to introverts is to listen, observe and ask at least one question or make one comment in every meeting. This will elevate your profile and build confidence, as well as build a helpful habit for your career.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC., and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching. 

 

Jul 21

Introverts And The Corner Office

It doesn’t seem fair, at least to many introverts, that extroverts enjoy a significant edge when it comes to hiring and promotions.

In my Friday blog, I shared findings from researchers who use the Five Factor Model (FFM, also called The Big 5) to study which dimensions of personality are linked to workplace success. Conscientiousness and extroversion are far and away the two dimensions most correlated to leadership.

The virtues of extroversion have been written about ad nauseam. So I will turn the tables and focus on introversion.

Introverts, Do Not PanicIntroverts are more effective leaders of

First, do not panic or believe you cannot snag a promotion or succeed in a leadership position – you can. Introverts comprise between 30 to 50 percent of the US population. Many are excellent leaders.

Second, extroversion and introversion are personality dimensions measured on a continuum, and most people land near the middle. Almost everyone is a mixture of the two.

Finally, introverts have secret weapons. When others talk, introverts listen (deeply), which often lead to thoughtful observations, and powerful questions. Because introverts are more likely to think before they speak, their feet rarely need to be dislodged from their mouths. These are all great leadership behaviors.

(To take a free Big Five assessment, click here)

Small Steps You Can Take Today

For those, including introverts, who want to boost their visibility at work, the following tips may help you.

  1. Write down, or better yet share with someone, what your short- and long-term goals are related to becoming more visible at work.
  2. Pick a small group of co-workers you do not regularly interact with, and join in a discussion. This can be done at lunchtime in the cafeteria, or by serving on a committee (Yes, I heard your exasperated sigh).
  3. Ask to make a presentation (or co-present) and highlight department project updates or accomplishments.
  4. Focus on those times when you successfully asked for a date, made light conversation with someone you just met, or spoke in public. Bask in the positive feelings (even if it was relief after it was over) of those accomplishments.
  5. Schedule down time after completing an activity that takes you out of your comfort zone, and assess what worked.

As more people get to know who you are, your sphere of influence grows. This will  help put you in the conversation for new roles and responsibilities.

That’s it. Step into some new situations you have some control over. In time you will be prepared to take larger steps, and move your leadership journey forward.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC., and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching. 

Jul 18

Want A Promotion?

For decades psychology and sociology researchers have used the Five Factor Model (FFM, also called The Big 5) to study what dimensions of personality positively correlate with workplace success.

The Big 5 are (you can take a free Big 5 test here):Some people regard discipline as a

  • Openness (or intellect)
  • Conscientiousness
  • Extroversion
  • Agreeableness
  • Neuroticism (or emotional stability)

Why Conscientiousness Often = Success

The two dimensions proven to have the strongest connection to success at work are conscientiousness and extroversion. In Monday’s blog, I will cover extroversion, so the focus for the moment falls squarely on the broad shoulders of conscientiousness.

Conscientiousness is the predisposition to be disciplined, organized, goal directed, thorough, efficient, deliberative, and able to delay gratification. In the office, these are the people who have spotless desks, are reliable, and get desired results. Over time, they gain the trust of both leaders and followers. This allows them to keep stretching the goals of teams or organizations to reach goals that would have initially seemed far fetched.

Conscientious leaders excel at juggling multiple projects and priorities. The best keep team members focused on shared goals. Given the rapid pace of change and high expectations, it makes sense that people who create value and trust through goal attainment are picked for promotions or remain in executive positions.

How To Develop Conscientiousness Behaviors

If your desk is a mess and you struggle at times with projects hitting your inbox in rapid succession, there are behaviors related to conscientiousness that you can adopt to increase your effectiveness.

Find and consistently use a system to stay organized. This can be a white board, checklists, sticky notes, electronic calendar, spreadsheets, color coded filing system, or whatever keeps your mind uncluttered and tracks progress

  1. Understand the goal
  2. Understand why the goal is important to the organization
  3. Explain numbers two and three with everyone who needs to know, repeat often
  4. Communicate expectations and progress regularly

By keeping you and your team in front of projects, you are much less likely to be derailed or run over by new projects or competing priorities.

Caveats

Without emotional intelligence, conscientiousness may not move the needle of personal or organizational performance. And, when work is artistic or social (such as sales), creativity and spontaneity are often called for rather than a by-the-book approach.

Still, for most of us, behaviors associated with conscientiousness will take you a long way toward reaching your goals.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC., and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching.

Jul 16

How Driving 140 MPH Can Improve Your Career

The car fought back as I wrestled with the wheel to push the screaming NASCAR down into lane one before taking the second turn at Chicagoland Motor Speedway in Joliet, IL., at 140 mph.

NASCARs do not come equipped with power steering (or brakes) and I was still getting used to the bubbly rumble of its engine, the sticky heat trapped in my helmet, and the energy it took to aim the car.

Civilians can pay for the privilege of driving solo in actual NASCAR vehicles at the speedways  throughout the country. And for a few minutes (five to eight) get to feel for what it is like to drive at speeds of up to 155 mph.

I Am Going To Die

“Why would anyone allow me, a middle age man with questionable reflexes who drives a Prius,  behind the wheel of a race20140711_163446 car and drive about 150 mph?” kept racing through my mind during  training and waiting for my turn to drive.

Those thoughts melted into a mix of terror, exhilaration and extreme focus as I shifted into fourth gear and transitioned from the pit to the apron of the track. After that, I don’t recall breathing – just my mind spewing a string of expletives broken up only by the voice of a spotter giving me instructions through my earpiece.

After making it off the track and out of the car alive, I was elated that one more item on my personal to-do list could now be crossed off.

The Power Of Experience

I have rock climbed, rappelled, played with dolphins, whitewater river rafted, sat with people as they died, kayaked to a bioluminescent bay, hunted poisonous snakes, eaten meals from street carts in developing countries, and stumbled upon a mamma bear and her two cubs while hiking alone in Wyoming.

These and other stretch experiences provide context for the more mundane days and activities of daily life. Benefits of pushing your boundaries include:

  • Confidence to handle adversity and unexpected situations (i.e., “If I can climb a 150-foot vertical cliff without soiling myself, I can make a presentation on short notice without soiling myself”)
  • Understanding there is much more to life than your daily work routine
  • Inspire and educate yourself
  • Positive reinforcement to learn and do new things
  • New experiences add to our creativity

Not that you have to risk life or limb to push your boundaries. Your list could include a camping trip, finally read Moby Dick or relearning how to ride a bicycle. Put your list together and start making it happen and see the difference it makes in you and your work life.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC. 

 

Jul 14

Grow Your Self-Confidence

Just as there are no born leaders, no one is born born with confidence. It comes with experience and practice. As adults, we experience life events that make us feel confident. Perhaps you helped your child understand a life or school lesson, reached an important work milestone, or completed a DIY project on your home.

40% (1)While none of us feels confident all the time, cultivating confidence and living more confidently can improve our lives in many ways. A confident person feels comfortable within themselves. They live their values and beliefs, make decisions easier, respect others and are grateful.

What Self-Confidence Provides You

  • Openness to new experience
  • Positive energy
  • Calmness
  • Influence
  • Action orientation
  • Future focus

The other side of confidence is doubt. While doubt can be healthy in small doses, too much creates indecision and the loss of self-efficacy. When we remain in an indecisive mindset, our progress falters and our goals slide out of reach.

You can increase your confidence simply by making decisions. Nurturing the habit of decision making builds confidence by moving you from a state of inaction to action. Inaction drains you confidence and sense of empowerment. Action generates progress and feelings of accomplishment. Even if your decision turns out to be incorrect, simply learn from the experience and continue to move forward.

A second habit is to take a few moments each day to visualize past accomplishments that gave you confidence, and re-experience those positive emotions.

Avoid or minimize your exposure to negative people. They drain your energy and have little or nothing to add, other than why you can’t or shouldn’t take action.

Finally, develop self-care habits so you feel your best. This can include exercise, mediation, hobbies, volunteering or spending time with family and friends.

Cultivating these habits will recharge you and give you more energy to live with greater self-confidence.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC., and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching. Learn more at http://acceleratedcoachingandconsulting.com.

Jun 23

Successful People Have A Confidence Habit

“And no one will listen to us until weBy Gregory Alford, MS. Psy.

Just as there are no born leaders, no one is born with confidence. It comes with experience and practice. As adults, we have experienced life events that made us feel confident. We may have helped our child with a life or school lesson, reached an important work goal, or finished a DIY project on your home.

While none of us feels confident all the time, cultivating confidence and living more confidently can improve our lives in many ways. A confident person feels comfortable within themselves. They live their values and beliefs and have respect for others and gratitude.

What Confidence Looks Like

  • Openness to new experience
  • Positive energy
  • Calm
  • Influential
  • Action oriented
  • Future focused

The other side of confidence is doubt. While doubt can be healthy, too much of it creates indecision. When we are indecisive, our progress falters and our goals slide out of reach. Doubt can stem from external sources such as negative people, or our own negative thoughts.

Sometimes, simply making decisions, even if they turn out to be incorrect, boost our confidence. Learn from the outcome of the decision and continue to move forward. Simply developing the habit of making decisions builds confidence by moving you from a state of inaction to action.

Also, take a few moments to visualize some of your past accomplishments that gave you confidence.

Finally, practice self care so you feel your best. Self care includes exercise, mediation, hobbies, volunteering and spending time with family and friends. These activities will recharge you and give you more energy to live with confidence.

 

Jun 23

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The Power of Acknowledgment

The Power of Acknowledgment

 By Gregory Alford, MS. Psy.

One of our deepest needs is to be acknowledged. Unfortunately, it’s a skill few people have. As a result, we don’t acknowledge others, or ourselves, very often. This is our loss. But it is a skill that can be learned!

When you acknowledge, you draw attention to something wonderful about a person. When done appropriately, it strengthens relationships and builds trust. It can be verbal, or written, and is often most appreciated when done publicly (especially at work).

Acknowledgment is…

  • Heartfelt
  • Occurs after action (ideally immediately)
  • Highlights good deeds
  • Encouragement

Recall a time when you received sincere acknowledgment and notice how good it still makes you feel. Now, recall when you completed a project there was no acknowledgment. Big difference – isn’t it? This is why behaviors we regularly acknowledge generally increase over time.

Self-Acknowledgement is also vital

Since so many people are unskilled acknowledging others, there are times when the kindest thing you can do is congratulate yourself.  This can help avoid disappointment, frustration or even anger that might follow times when your contributions or accomplishments go unrecognized.

Take a deep breath, let go of negative feelings and acknowledge yourself, out loud, several times if you want to! Then, acknowledge those who supported you. Top it off with a celebration of your choice.

So, your challenge today and everyday is to catch someone in the act of doing good and acknowledge them. You will discover it makes everyone’s day!

 

Apr 27

8 Ways To Banish Self-Doubt And Restore Confidence

By Gregory Alford, MS. PSY.

When we trust ourselves, we remove doubt and open the door to greater achievement.

When we trust ourselves, we remove doubt and open the door to greater achievement.

Each day, many of us play an internal game tug-of-war with self-trust and self-doubt pulling us in opposite directions. When self-trust gives way,  a cascade of negative feelings rush in.

What is Self-Trust?

Author Steven Covey describes self-trust as feeling confident and secure in our lives. Strong self-trust results in deeper a connection to ourselves, our loved ones, co-workers and community. It also is an indispensable part of self-reliance, resiliency and your ability to overcome inevitable setbacks.

Another benefit of enhancing self-trust, is it diminishes doubt. When we give into doubt, confidence and self-esteem are stripped, and energy and momentum are lost. When your thoughts tell you, “no,” “not now,” or “this is too hard,” when you want to take action – it is doubt talking.

Fortunately, you can improve your self-trust in many ways, including:

  • Make and keep promises by setting small goals and tracking achievements
  • Focus on what actions led you to achieve previous  goals
  • Develop support structures and habits that encourage achievement (i.e., self-care, calendars, checklists)
  • Visualize success
  • Choose to believe in yourself!

There are also things you can stop doing as well, such as:

  • Paying attention to negative people
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Worry about what others think of you

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. We all need help getting unstuck every once in a while. Be kind to yourself and reach out people who love and support you, a coach or therapist to help your build self-trust and confidence so you can achieve greatness.

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