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Posts tagged ‘self-doubt’

Oct 8

You Know It’s Time For A New Job When…

A significant percentage of my coaching clients struggle with whether or not to stay in their current job or career. For people who are underpaid, overstressed, have a toxic boss or want to relocate for lifestyle reasons, the decision to move on usually comes easy.

However, many clients are paid well, enjoy certain aspects of their job, have developed friendships at work, or feel insecure about the future. These and other factors can create paralysis. Even when clients have a strong gut feeling the time is right to move on, they can remain in a state of inaction for years.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try

Below is a list of four signs the time may be right to commit to finding greener pastures.

Values gap. This occurs when there is a  misalignment between what you experience day-to-day versus how you want to live your life. The larger the gap (or gaps), the more discomfort your experience. For example, if your highest value is compassion, and you work for a company that treats its customers or workers poorly, the gap often manifests itself as stress, frustration and disengagement. (Tip: pick your top five values from this list and compare them to what is valued at work.)

Dead end. If you look at your supervisor and say, “I don’t want that job!” it is time to consider whether you are comfortable in your present position for the foreseeable future. If you want to move up, it may be time to prepare to do it elsewhere.

Another version of the dead end is that you find you are no longer challenged at work, and are on autopilot most of the time.  If your one-up is unable or unwilling to provide new challenges, it is a sign your are on the path to…

Boredom. In the workplace, boredom is defined a lack meaningful work to absorb your energy. It impacts people at all stages of their careers, from entry-level to executive positions. In addition, research suggests extroverts, high performers, and younger workers are at greater risk for boredom.

John Eastwood, Ph.D., one of the authors of “The Unengaged Mind,”  writes boredom is associated with a host of unwelcome effects such as increased drug and alcohol use, overeating, depression, anxiety, and poor performance.

Same time next year. When I lived in the corporate world, I took time out around my work anniversary to assess if I wanted to be working for the same people/company on my next anniversary. When I didn’t want to, I quietly began to take steps to find another position. If your stomach churns at the thought of one more year doing the same old – same old, determine why and either fix it, come to terms with it, or begin to move on.

If you are struggling in your current position, or want to clarify whether the time is right for you to move on from your current job, please contact me at Galford@acceleratedcoachingandconsulting.com for a free, no obligation one-hour Power Session.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting LLC, and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching and Marcom consulting.

Sep 16

Yoda – Leadership Guru

Yoda’s advice for wannabe Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker was, “Do or do not. There is no try.” This advice also holds true for mere mortals.

What Yoda shared with Luke is the need for commitment. An excellent definition comes from MacMillan, which states: enthusiasm for something and a determination to work hard at it.

-Do or do not. There is no try.-The key words are enthusiasm and determination. Too often we say we are committed to a goal, relationship or activity when we lack one or both of those ingredients. Without them we are simply trying to reach a goal, make a relationship work or complete an activity.

As Yoda says, “there is no try,” because without commitment success eludes us.

Try is a word that has failure baked into it. “Well, I tried,” is what we tell ourselves and others when we give up on a goal. When we try, it is easy to become distracted, unfocused and procrastinate. Self-doubt creeps in and begins to drain our confidence, energy and willingness to push through roadblocks. And we may start to look for scapegoats rather than push ourselves.

Fear Factor

One reason we end up trying instead of committing is fear. Fear of failure, fear of ridicule or fear that you will prove the doubters right.

When I work with leaders who are trying instead of committing is explore what is holding them back. Many times, it is a hidden inner belief they are not skilled enough, smart enough or deserving enough to achieve what they desire.

If that is the case, I ask clients to share some success stories, and how they felt after reaching a particularly difficult goal. This helps shift the focus to positive outcomes and emotions. Then, the conversation moves to what action steps they took and whether those steps be replicated in the current situation.

Ready, Set, Go!

Regardless of the reasons people get stuck in a trying mindset, there is only one solution, as Yoda says, “do or not do.” Once there is a commitment or re-commitment (Yoda’s “do”) to a goal, a plan of action needs to be created and then carried out. It can be uncomfortable, difficult and nerve wracking, but once we move into a state of action, doubts begin to fade. With each successful action step, we move  a little closer to the final goal. Confidence returns and enthusiasm builds as obstacles are overcome. When the goal is reached, make sure to take time out to celebrate.

If you need help moving from trying to committing, please reach out to me to schedule a free, no obligation one-hour Power Session.

Aug 22

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‘Impostor’ Bosses Are Trouble For Your Career

While many or even most of us may lack confidence from time-to-time, there are leaders who trap themselves into a perpetual state of anxiety when it comes to their self-image as a leader.

Dubbed “impostor syndrome,” these leaders are insecure, and unsure they are able to bear the responsibilities they have been given. Many build their work lives around to avoid being “discovered” as a fraud.

At this point, American workers are (3)

Impostors often move quickly through the ranks using slash and burn political skills rather than high performance to make their mark. Often, these are outgoing, charismatic people who can tell a good story, and can accumulate enough power to ruin all or parts of an organization.

Insecurity drives them to ingratiate themselves with their boss, even at the expense of others or the entire organization. A common behavior is to divert resources to pet projects of their boss. Although this is not unusual, the impostor find it difficult to say “no” to even the most unreasonable (or possibly unethical or illegal) demand from their boss. To do so risks the primary work relationship the impostor is vested in, and risks angering the boss who might become critical of other actions the impostor has made.

Impostors As Narcissists

Perhaps paradoxically, to compensate for their internal feelings of weakness, impostors often take on characteristics of narcissists. They feel as if they are always in the spotlight, take credit for the success of team members, and are stingy with praise. When confronted with a failure or mistake, they blame others, and try to distance themselves from responsibility. They stand up for team members only when it is advantageous for them.

Impostors often end up as workaholics, and burn out because they can never satisfy their desire for external validation.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that impostors are wildly unpopular with subordinates. Impostor leaders communicate they distrust their followers in many ways. An example that I have experienced on multiple occasions, and my clients often describe, goes something like this…

After a of poor employee satisfaction score, Human Resources goes conducts focus groups with employees hand-picked by the leader. The group interview results include a list of opportunities for the leader to improve, which is presented to the leader.

Instead of taking time for self-reflection, gain an appreciation for how others perceive your leadership, and take steps to improve, impostors go into ego defense mode. The impostor leader schedules one-to-one meetings with team members who participated in the group interviews and grills each one to find out who made negative comments about them. People suspected of being disloyal are punished by losing plum assignments, receive poor performance reviews, or starved of resources.

The leader then makes the team responsible for improving their own work satisfaction (because the team is the problem). Nothing changes except higher turnover, and increased cynicism.

If you are working for an impostor, there are steps you can take that may improve the work environment. Or, you can begin to create a plan for the next step in your career. If you find yourself in this situation, please reach out to me for a free 50-minute session.

Gregory Alford, MS. Psy., is founder of Accelerated Coaching & Consulting, LLC, and specializes in business, leadership and life coaching and consulting. 

Apr 27

8 Ways To Banish Self-Doubt And Restore Confidence

By Gregory Alford, MS. PSY.

When we trust ourselves, we remove doubt and open the door to greater achievement.

When we trust ourselves, we remove doubt and open the door to greater achievement.

Each day, many of us play an internal game tug-of-war with self-trust and self-doubt pulling us in opposite directions. When self-trust gives way,  a cascade of negative feelings rush in.

What is Self-Trust?

Author Steven Covey describes self-trust as feeling confident and secure in our lives. Strong self-trust results in deeper a connection to ourselves, our loved ones, co-workers and community. It also is an indispensable part of self-reliance, resiliency and your ability to overcome inevitable setbacks.

Another benefit of enhancing self-trust, is it diminishes doubt. When we give into doubt, confidence and self-esteem are stripped, and energy and momentum are lost. When your thoughts tell you, “no,” “not now,” or “this is too hard,” when you want to take action – it is doubt talking.

Fortunately, you can improve your self-trust in many ways, including:

  • Make and keep promises by setting small goals and tracking achievements
  • Focus on what actions led you to achieve previous  goals
  • Develop support structures and habits that encourage achievement (i.e., self-care, calendars, checklists)
  • Visualize success
  • Choose to believe in yourself!

There are also things you can stop doing as well, such as:

  • Paying attention to negative people
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Worry about what others think of you

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. We all need help getting unstuck every once in a while. Be kind to yourself and reach out people who love and support you, a coach or therapist to help your build self-trust and confidence so you can achieve greatness.

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